Annunciations

I first time I felt it, it was so unexpected.

It was a normal day really. I went to go play basketball with some friends, and when I got there, I felt it, like a massive wave inside of me. I had had the feeling before, but it was in every part of me this time, it was so overwhelming that I couldn’t ignore it, it was so distracting. What was it? I had never felt so pulled, so drawn towards something like this before. I looked around trying to figure out what could be causing this swirling inside of me. Then, I saw her.

I knew it was her.

I had seen her before and while I had found something about her so special, it wasn’t until then that I felt it so heavily. But she looked distracted too, like her head was in the clouds, like her mind was somewhere else worrying or bothered by something while she was physically there across the court from me. I knew I should go and ask her if she was okay, but I was nervous. I thought she wouldn’t want to talk to me or that she would think that I was weird for asking. So, against every inclination in my body, I didn’t speak to her that day, and I went home feeling guilty about it.

I woke up the next day and while I woke up without the feeling in me, every time I was even just in the same hallway or room as her, I became flooded with that feeling again. I began to recognize that I was so enamored by the intrinsic beauty and uniqueness of her. And while I made small conversations with her here and there, I longed to know her deeper so that I could understand this beauty and uniqueness that I kept becoming engulfed in. Then when I began to know her, she was perfect to me. Even in the tiniest of details the swirling inside of me never left, and I felt unworthy to be even near her.

So, I began to search far and wide to find this feeling in something else. I watched sunsets on what felt like the ends of all of creation, I watched as flowers bloomed right in front of me and met the most interesting people and creatures that you could imagine, and yet nothing came close in comparison to the beauty and uniqueness that I felt in her.

After thinking about it for what felt like forever, I realized that nothing would ever feel and be like her, because the God I had heard and learned so much about had put all of his beauty into her. And while I saw eternity in her eyes, all of the small moments of beauty that you could experience could never add up to the beauty that she is. It’s like all of the angels in heaven come to dance with her as she shines brighter than any star you’ve ever seen. For whatever reason, I was the one created to see this, and so I knew I had to be with her so that I could experience this for the rest of my days here and for all eternity. And I thank God every day that he made me to experience this even if it is for just a short time, because I knew that no matter how long it lasted, it was worth it to see every beautiful and unique thing in her.