Humility

“Abide in me, as I abide in you. Just as a branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, so you cannot bear fruit unless you abide in me” - John 15:4

When I began studying art in college, my goal was to become a car designer. Growing up I always went to car shows with my dad and grandfather, they were always something I looked forward to every year, and through it I fell in love with cars. I worked so hard through the first two years of school fully designing a car, top to bottom, inside and out. I was proud of myself, but in the end I hated the process. It was painstaking, it took all of the peace that I had found in creating art away from me. At that point I knew I had to give up on that dream.

It was humiliating giving up that dream. I mean I told everyone that it was what I wanted to do, and somehow it wasn’t right. I felt small. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t made to be good enough. The world around me looked distorted, and felt so heavy. I felt crushed by it. I looked around and saw people living out their hopes and dreams of what they wanted to do. I didn’t think I had anyone to talk to. I felt lonely and isolated.

The past few months have felt like this for me again, but this time I didn’t give up any major dreams. I think there are multiple things that can make you feel this way. A stupid mistake, losing a friend or loved one, maybe even getting sick. For me, I always felt that it was hard to feel understood as an artist, but over the past few months I think it hit me really hard. How do I explain to someone that I feel and notice everything? Literally everything. Or that since I’m only close to a few people, I constantly overthink everything I say and do, because I’m afraid to lose them.

"Humility" Oil on Wood

I think Francis of Assisi could relate to this. His biggest dream was to be a knight, a war hero for his home of Assisi, but after two failed attempts, had to give that dream up. I’m sure he felt like this, that he wasn’t good enough, that he was alone, that he wasn’t understood. And yet, his giving up turned into something incredible, because through his most humiliating moment, he became who he needed to be. He did not do this alone though.

Christ tells his apostles in John’s gospel to, “Abide in me as I abide in you”. I think this is easier said than done, especially since you cannot always feel the presence of Christ in your life. I’m sure Francis somehow came to this realization when the Lord gave him brothers. Francis couldn’t do it alone, and neither can we. That’s why we’re relational people.

Francis’ story is a great example of the humility of giving up turning into something good, but it’s also an example of being someone who you can abide in. Everyone struggles with something, so we should all strive to be someone to abide in even for the loneliest of the lonely, the most misunderstood, and the poorest of the poor.